I'm Going on a Pro/Con Rant About Twilight

Okay, so every smart Twilight fan can agree: Bella and Edward's relationship is creepy, shallow, and all-around unrealistic.  Bit ridiculous.  Not too well-written, you know?  But it's crack, and we love it.  I mean, who DOESN'T have a bit of a vampire fetish?  And before Twilight came along, a lot of the other vampire books were very similar.  Darker, more supernatural, turn-of-the-century-based ideas of vampires.  It was getting old.

So you've got to admit, at least Twilight was a breath of fresh air from that whole scene.

I hate sharing a fandom with middle school girls who shop at Hot Topic when they're feeling particularly rebellious, scream to JoBros songs, and/or would probably cite Edward's apparent "hotness" when asked why they love him so much.  Not to mention the fact that they all LOATHE Kristen Stewart, saying that she isn't how Bella should look or act.  Basically, this translates to, "She isn't exactly like ME!"

My first beef with the book is how perfect Stephenie made Bella, right down to her damn name.  Bella Swan?  All the boys in Forks want to date her, right off the bat (citing the first instance of unexplained attraction to this broad).  And yet she's a recluse and does not enjoy the company of others a great deal of the time, keeping instead to her books.  She "had already read everything" on the reading list in her literature class.  She was in an "advanced" program in Biology.  I guess Steph wanted to make her seem deep or something.  Fail?

And, of course, swarms of girls claim that they can totally relate to her.

Jacob, whom I hated during the better part of the first three books, actually became my favourite character later on.  He was the only one who came close to being three-dimensional, or who had any real basis for his relationship with Bella.  I know you all love the pretty, sparkly, rich vampire, but I'd choose Jacob any day.

I think Edward is creepy.  He freaking watches Bella sleep.  He decides to kill himself without a second thought ("Because he LOVES Bella," shouted the fan girls. "Because his character has been stolen from Romeo and Juliet...and not even in a good way!" says I).  He tells Jacob to sleep with his wife and make PUPPIES, for crying out loud.

And the movie...oh, the movie.

To be honest, I watched it OFTEN.  It's a feel-good movie, and a great adaptation of the book.  There are actually some instances of really realistic acting.

But...it was still pretty bad.  I think the cast was pretty much perfect, even if it did deviate a bit from the book, right down to Eric being the token Asian kid, Angela the Latino, Tyler the black guy...  It was like looking through a high school health class textbook, trying overtly to "represent" each race and be as politically correct as possible.

I hated the lullaby.  I was really looking forward to it, too!  In the books, Edward hums it to Bella and it helps her fall asleep.  But the lullaby in the movie was this...plinky-plunky piano bit...  You can't even hum it!  I tried.  It sounds weird when you hum it.  I was expecting some kind of super-awesome, haunting thing akin to "Once Upon a December" from Anastasia.

And it sucks that every time someone hears Clair de Lune, they're going to say, "Oh!  That was from Twilight!" instead of "Debussy!"  Look on YouTube.  Search "Clair de Lune."  The first thing that comes up is some kind of "TWILIGHT!!!!11!!!!1!!!!!eleven!!!!" video.

Did anyone else notice that the movie was a giant commercial for Apple?  Oh, those trendy kids and their iPods.  But I did think Bella's laptop was cool.  I've never seen a black macbook that looked like that before.

I really wish there had been more build-up to the point where Edward and Bella fall in love.  I know it happened way too quickly in the book as it is, but the movie made it seem even unhealthier and more juvenile, if that's possible.  Edward was all, "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."  And I was like, "Say WHAT, Cullen?!  Already?  Dude."

I think the part that made my friends and I laugh the hardest in the movie (with a whole row of little girls shushing us from behind) was the scene right after Edward admits he's a vampire and runs around ripping up trees, throwing stuff, etc...  And no matter what Edward says, Bella responds with something along the lines of, "I trust you!"  I mean, if someone you barely knew told you they'd killed people, would you REALLY say things like that?

I really liked Jacob in the movie.  When I first saw who they'd cast, I was pissed.  I was like, "Oh no, they just picked a Disney-looking heart-throb who looks nothing like a Native American."  But actually, I thought he captured the essence of a young Jacob (by young, I mean unaware of his fate), and he even had a wolfy smile.  Also, for some reason, I feel like his acting was really good when he was showing Bella her new truck.  Good job, Lautner!

Oh, and that guy who played Charlie was good too.  He's such an endearing character, and I'm glad they got him right.  And the look on his face when Bella tells him, "If I don't get out of here now, then I'm just going to be stuck here like mom"!  Painful!  I was really, actually sad at that moment!

Oh.  What was up with the waitress's hair?

And WHY was it so necessary that every single time a girl is eating food in that movie, it's vegetarian?  Spinach salad.  Mushroom ravioli.  A garden-burger.  Jessica's eating a salad, and Stephenie (omgwtfbbq, WHY was she in the movie?!) has a veggie plate.  Charlie gets steak - good man.  If I remember from the book, I'm pretty sure Bella wasn't a vegetarian.  It seemed like the movie people were trying to say something like, "Girls eating meat is SO not ladylike!"

I thought that the vampire's sparkly skin effect was just how I pictured it.  Except that damn sound effect.  News flash: when the sun glints off of something sparkly, it doesn't make a sound.

BUT.  I will always be a Twilight fan, as much as I hate to admit this.  I'm fully aware that none of it is "quality" work, but it's all very fun and angsty.  An easy read, too, and there's nothing wrong with that.  I read for pleasure - not to claim to have the best taste in literature.

I love stories where the main character feels out of place in their own world, discovers a secret that turns their life upside-down, and finds belonging in their new, resulting lives.  This is true of Twilight, so I like it.  The Harry Potter series also has that element (nope, nope, I am NOT comparing Harry Potter to Twilight...well, I am, but believe me, I place Harry Potter MILES above Twilight).

Rant concluded.  Now for the lesson of the day!

It is a really bad idea to play capture the flag at midnight in 30-40 degree weather.  Especially when you have to wade through a creek a bit.  I woke up today with chest pain, back pain, sniffles, and all kinds of aches.  Boo.

-Michelle-